you think you’re getting better. You think you have a chance. You dont. You’re fucking worthless. No one really cares about you, give up hope. You’re fucking stupid to think anything else. No one wants you you just hurt yourself. You’re disgusting. Why are you even here why do you think you deserve to be here you worthless piece of shit. You dont deserve this. deeper. harder. Stop thinking stop trying you aren’t anything, you are nothing.
I know I’m a cynical bitch but sometimes people frustrate me so much and I don’t understand how naive and unaware they are I mean yeah I’m not the most mature kid out there but c’mon folks.
Sometimes I wish it was like last year when I was completely oblivious and didn’t care and thought I wasn’t a horrible person. When I could go a day without crying, or thinking about hurting myself. When I wasn’t always tired and could actually try sometimes.
Now I just don’t really know anything.
you made me feel like I had a chance
and then you ran away, faster than anyone has ever left before.
now I am trapped, waiting.
please, please, please. Begging, running, crying, escape, disappear. Streaks of red, purple, blue, black. Waiting. Hoping. Destroying. Then the demons arrived, they made me calm. They told me what to do, what to say, what to cut, what to do to please everyone.
Let the cycle continue.
we could have been fucking perfect.
maybe I’ll never really know you, and the more I do, the more I hope its true.
you wait and you think you can fucking do it. like you might have some chance of life.
but you dont. you just sit and cry and let everything you love disappear. you just fucking let it happen and the darkness is here and you are nothing. please let it stop, make it stop. you fucking beg for it to stop but you are pathetic, you are nothing you are sitting here like a fucking coward you can’t even control your own mind.
fuck.
cant even fucking write.
we are here and we try.
you cant think because you are now and nothing is left. all you can do is push forward in an attempt to repair yourself. you struggle to grab any pieces you can find but you just keep falling and dropping it all. eventually you just cant. you fall and tumble and cry and scream because you are now not whole. you are just a fragment of what you were and you can never fix yourself. so you wait. you wait and hope that someone will be able to bring you back together. but they wont.
so you begin to break yourself.
for some fucking reason you think youre getting better. you have this hope, this slight inkling of a thought in the back of your mind that maybe things are becoming better, moving forward. youre fucking stupid. nothing will ever change. you are a fucking fool and you are stuck here. you are trapped in your own mind. all your actions are controlled, everything you say is planned. youre a fucking coward. you think you know it all, fuck you. you know nothing because you are nothing. you are a machine, a product. you have no control. the darkness controls you. you know you should stop, you think it, you focus on it. all of your will will try to push it out of your mind. but youre fucking weak. dont try to say your eyes wont wander, that your mind wont race trying to think of something. you might think you can do it, you fucking cant. and you will walk across that room, because you are not you, you are just a product.
